This Just In – #2: Finger and Y-Key Find Long Distance Relationships Just Don’t Work

Note: For a description of the premise behind This Just In posts, see the very first one.

It’s a tale right out of a story book. A story of efforts that never come to fruition. A story of love, distanced and destroyed.

After several years of typing and incorrectly using the left index finger to hit the Y-key, the finger and keyboard key developed a deep relationship. But after the recent purchase of an ergonomic keyboard, the two have been forced to split in what many in the realm of the fingers are calling “the worst hit to a finger/keyboard-key relationship in years.”

“I never thought those two should have ever been together,” stated Margo Fleming, Jeremy’s 8th grade keyboarding teacher. “Proper typing dictates that the Y-key should be pressed with the right index finger, not the left.” But regardless of social convention, the two entities found each other and began an affair which rivals the intensity of Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler, or perhaps more appropriately Wesley and Buttercup. “Oh yeah, those two were always together. They never tried hiding it,” stated the left thumb. “I guess the rest of us just kind of got used to it.”

After the recent forced split, the lovers vowed to stay together. The left index finger was caught many times attempting to cross back over to the right side of the keyboard in an attempt to press the Y-key just one last time. But regardless of the efforts, the two have yet to reunite since the split. “I reach across the divide. I stretch until I cramp up, but I am never able to make it over there,” cried an extremely distraught left index finger. “I just love him so much. I can’t go on without him! But he just isn’t reaching back. He isn’t giving any effort whatsoever to make this relationship work.  I guess it’s true what they say – long distance relationships just don’t work.”

The Y-key was not able to be reached for comment by press time, but according to a source close to him, who wanted to remain anonymous because she didn’t have permission to speak about the relationship, the Y-key has been seen with the right index finger many times since the split. “I don’t want to start any rumors or anything, but every time I look over there the right index finger is pressing him quite a bit. If that were my man, I’d be pretty mad.”

Jerry Watkins, professor of finger psychology at Harvard University, had this to say about the it: “Fingers and keyboard keys often grow a strong attachment to one another after repeated exposure to each other. And as with all strong attachments, they are hard to get over when you are forcefully detached. But I believe that, given time, the left index finger will move on and see that there are plenty of keys on the board. Perhaps she can even start visiting the B-key, which before the split was always pressed by the right index finger. You never know with love.”

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