This Just In – #1: Hairline Retreats From the Frontlines

So I’ve been doing my Photoshop Fail Friday posts for a few weeks now, and I’ve had a ton of fun doing them. I’m not good at photoshopping pictures, but that’s really the whole point I guess. Anyway, with all the fun that I’ve had, I’ve decided to begin other series, much like I see on other great blogs. Today marks the first in a series called This Just In. The whole point of TJI posts (as I just now decided to start calling them) is to take something and make it seem like a news story. Please understand that it’s all in fun…tongue-in-cheek kind of stuff. So here goes for my first one…


In an stunning turn of events, it has just been learned that Jeremy’s front hairline has begun to retreat from the front lines of the battle for his forehead. Over the last 3 or 4 years, the hair has begun to move away from the forehead and is quickly receding toward the back of his head. Analysts have begun to investigate exactly what is happening and why. Lead analyst, Dr. Roger Rogaine, share his analysis with us:

As you can see on this graphic, the hairline was at one point securely in place over the majority of the forehead. If you look here at the red line, you can see where it held its position. But as time has progressed, we are starting to see a retreat like we haven’t seen in years.The actual hairline now resides at the blue line, although we believe that the hair may be trying to cover up its retreat by growing long strands of bangs and securing them in place with too much gel. This “extreme widow’s peak” formation is an old technique, used in many battles for forehead supremacy before now. But we don’t think it will be long until we will see even more recession, most likely making it back to the yellow line before the subject turns 35.

When asked why he believe this retreat has occurred, Dr. Rogaine added

It appears to me that with time, the hair’s main opponents are becoming more pronounced on the battlefield. The eyebrows have continually gotten “bushier,” if you’ll forgive the use of a technical term, and if you look closely, you can see quite a large growth of the nose, which we have pointed out with the green arrow here. With this kind of opposition, it’s obvious that the hair had little choice but to pull back.

Hair enthusiasts are crossing their fingers that the hairline might make a comeback in the next few years, but most experts agree that without help, it will most likely continue on in its recession for at least 5-10 more years.

For the latest updates on this late breaking story, stay tuned to the Facial News Network.


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