What’s In A Name?

You know, lots of people throughout time have quoted Shakespeare’s Juliet by saying “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet…” I’m no literature freak…I mean…connoisseur…but it wasn’t hard to figure out that Juliet didn’t care that Romeo was a Montague and that she was a Capulet – she thought he would smell the same either way. And she obviously liked the way he smelled…

But I, on the other hand, wish I had a cooler name.  Don’t get me wrong…I like my name okay.  I mean, I’m sure my parents put a lot of thought into it, but in the end it’s just a regular old name.  A first name that my mom liked, plus a middle name that was the same as my dad’s first name, and no one had a choice on what the last name was going to be. I just wish I had a cool name.

It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular – I have a friend whose ancestor was Pancho Villa (yes, the famous Mexican general who robbed trains and who I think the formerly-popular Mexican food restaurants were named after). His middle name is Villa…I wish my middle name was something cool like that.  Maybe I could pretend my middle name was named after Jesse James (the outlaw, not Sandra Bullock’s soon-to-be ex-husband). Or even better, my grandfather on my mom’s side is the great grand-nephew of Davy Crockett’s mother (so that makes them like 10th cousins, I think). Maybe I could have been named Davy…but then everyone would have thought I was named after Sir Humphry Davy, the British chemist and inventor, and I wouldn’t be in any better shape than I am now. Or maybe they would think I was named after Davy Jones, a member of the pop-rock group The Monkees in the late 60’s.  That wouldn’t be so bad…the Monkees were a big influence on the Beatles! (That’s for all my fellow Dumb and Dumber fans out there…).

Cool names can really help you with the ladies, too.  I think guys named Clint or Tyler have a lot of luck in love (and apparently, they have sexy names!). But guys named Archibald or Neville just don’t have what it takes to make good impressions with women.  Poor Neville Chamberlain might have had a lot of power in England back in the day, but I doubt he had much power in pick-up lines. Now Wilt Chamberlain…that’s a whole other story. He was a woman magnet…and possibly an STD magnet, too – see here).  So I don’t think I would want my name to be Chamberlain either way…

Of course, you can be named after someone mythical or fictional, and that is sometimes pretty cool.  People do actually name their babies Frodo (after the hobbit in Lord of the Rings), though I don’t think I would want to have that name (it reminds me of something slimy…).  Or you can be named after food – something like Peaches or Milkdud. Now that I could live with…

People were named some pretty crazy stuff throughout the Bible, but at least everyone had a reason behind their name. On Biblical-Baby-Names.com, they list some ideas – for a girl, you could name her Abana, which means “made of stone.”  Of course, if you were going to do that, you might as just give her a Native American name like “She-Whose-Features-Remind-Us-Of-Jagged-Rock”….  Or better yet, just call her “ugly.”  For a boy, you could name him Rehabiah, which means “God has enlarged.”  That way, if he grows up to be fat, you can blame God.  For either a boy or a girl, you could name your child Mahalah, which means “disease.” Why is this one even an option? Is someone really going to name their child “disease?” You might as well just name them after an actual disease, like “bladder infection.”

Well, I think I have come full circle. I started out wanting a different name, and now that I’ve experimented with a few, I think I am going to stick with what I have. If I change my mind later, I can always just start telling people my name is something different and see if it catches on. Now if I could only do this with my looks…


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