With Mother’s day coming up (second Sunday of May, every year…), I got to thinking about how special mothers are and how the world wouldn’t work without them. Then I started thinking about how everyone agrees with me, and if I were to make the same statement about fathers, not everyone would agree with me. As a father myself, I got a little miffed. (Yes, I often think myself into situations that are the polar opposite of what I was just thinking about…). How come mothers get all the praise and honor in the world, and fathers always get left out? Don’t believe me? Please read my list of ways mothers are more honored than fathers below.
- Mother’s day comes before Father’s day every year. What’s up with that? We all know that the first one in line gets all the attention, while everyone that comes after is just picking up table scraps. Think about it – who was the first president? George Washington! Everyone knows that! Who was #2? No one remembers! It’s the same with parental holidays – after Mother’s day, everyone is just kind of like “oh yeah, we’ve done this already once this year – happy Father‘s day” (with an extra amount of sarcasm on the word “Father’s”).
- Mother’s day was even invented before Father’s day. According to MothersDayCentral, a special day for honoring mothers can be traced back to at least the 1600’s, where in England people would celebrate Mothering Day, a day where people would travel back to their mom’s house and eat a lot of food with her. Mothering day? Sounds like a holiday for making babies… That actually doesn’t sound so bad… Father’s day wasn’t invented until 1909, when someone got the idea while listening to a Mother’s day sermon (see here). So Father’s day really just branched off of Mother’s day, and the branch is never as big as the trunk…
- Mother’s day is actually much older than that! Prior to even the European creation of a special day to honor mothers, people celebrated their gods who they believed were mothers. In fact, the earliest celebration can be traced back to ancient Egypt, where people held an annual festival to honor the goddess Isis, who was commonly regarded as the mother of the pharaohs. Basically, the story goes like this: “Isis’ brother-husband Osiris was slain and dismembered in 13 pieces by their jealous brother Seth; Isis re-assembled Osiris’ body and used it to impregnate herself. She then gave birth to Horus, whom she was forced to hide amongst the reeds lest he be slaughtered by Seth. Horus grew up and defeated Seth, and then became the first ruler of a unified Egypt. Thus Isis earned her stature as the Mother of the pharaohs.” So, as you can see, Mother’s day has its roots in incestuous necrophilia – they had a festival which celebrated the fact that a goddess got impregnated by a dead god who was her brother. Is that even worth celebrating? I’m not sure its moral!
- There’s no such thing as a “Yo Daddy!” joke. One of my favorite kinds of jokes is a “yo mamma” joke. What could be funnier than “Yo mamma so dumb, she tried to throw a rock at the ground and missed” or “Yo mamma so fat she fell in love and broke it.” Ahhh… Good times…. But there’s no such thing as a “Yo Daddy” joke. Sure, there are some out there, but they’re all just regurgitated “Yo Mamma” jokes. I mean, as a father, I appreciate the effort, but come on…
So as you can see, fathers always get left out. Mothers have special days and special jokes, and fathers get the leftovers. Of course, when I look at my wife I can see that she really is an excellent mother. And I definitely don’t want her job – I was there when my daughter was born, and I am perfectly happy to be the guy who holds her hand and says “breathe, breathe, breathe…” All the other jobs in the room were a little out of my league.
So to my wife, my mother, my grandmother, and every other woman out there who has been blessed with the birthing of a child – Happy Mother’s Day! I hope you enjoy your special day which comes first, where you are allowed to make more babies, and where you can celebrate a little necrophilia. I won’t be able to help you with the necrophilia celebration though…I’ll be too busy reading these hilarious “yo mamma” jokes.